I don't know how to feel

I want to be like whatever, lets fuck, even if u not interested; or
pissed cuz my friend was drunk. A messy drunk too. Under the influence
of Alcohol...... an if u gonna pregame, do it in Moderation.....

So my friend Bryan was drunk. We were supposed to meet at Ruby Tuesday,
an meet his potential from London, and our mutual friend Al. It was
supposed to be a civilized night. Fun night. To gab an catch up on life.
No. Bryan shows up late, drunk, an calls sayin he stuck inside the
bathroom at McDonalds. If that don say enuf. Idk. This is all jus to
much to interpret. Overall. This man jus messed up. An he was outta this
world sexy. Id certainly try an hit. I wantd to. But. Al stole the show.
An thas DEF fine with me. Lol. Im happy for him. I mean. Nothing may
happen btween them. But hell. Lol. Mmmmm he was fucking scrumptious.
Lemme tell u. I wanna put up a pic. Hell. I will. And I doubt ppl will
see this blog/post. Lol. He from London/Nigeria/lagos. Ok. Im done. Here
he is..... he is the one on the left. Bryan is on the Right. Drunk
mouths speak a sober mind. Thas all I will say. He said an did things
unnecessairly. I love him tho. But dam.... but yeah. The sexy one on the
left. Mmmmhmmmm lol

Oh. An I spent $87 at Target. Highly upsetting. Granted, everything I
got I needed, but that doesn't mean I wantd to spend all my money there.
Wat bout my shoes an clothes I was supposed 2 get with that money. FUCK!
Oh well. But this is me on the way. I thought I bein fresh an wat. Thas
a lie. Lol. But I try. I need to update my shoes and clothes tho. Fuck.
I jus want a sugar mama to take care of me. Ill eat da pussy. Buy me
some gucci. Hell. Even some pucci.... I wana be fresh

God. I love being in New York.... imma miss it come May 12 though. Im
gonna wanna go an visit an everything quite often over the summer. Fuck
work. Lol. Well. Lemme work THEN! Come out here early. Lol. Al is a mess
love it. Lol. So is Bryan when he sober. Lol. All 3 of us are special. I
wish I was born and raised on the East Coast. Especially in New York. To
have grown up here in the 90's. Early 2000's. Idk. I jus love it here.
Granted. The water has def fucked up my skin. But I love it here. So
much I have experienced, and its only been wat, 6 months. Im sure it'll
get old to me, but there will always be more to explore, least ti me.
Ugh. Yeah. Lol. Im done. Smooches world. Mucho luvo mi amors.

No playing on my way home from the eventful night, lol, (Try Again-
Aaliyah)...... I miss her. Ok. Thas another rant for another time.
Duces.
--serene09 Ajay

It always gets worse before it gets better....

Yet, I def don't see the silver lining yet. I still been looking at
others, and their friends. I still wish for that. I have started to find
some people to hang with. But I mean. It is wat it is. Lol. I call my
choir my other family, altho there is still much work to be done. I love
them greatly. If I still go to St johns next year, I pray it all to be
better. And as I sit here, at our event, on our Staten Island campus,
before it starts of course. ZListening to Lauryn Hill's To Zion. It def
is a song to help me realize a lot. I don't know wat the song is about,
but I wanna cry when I hear this song.......

I will live. But I still aspire for a friendship with males where I
don't have to hide myself, or with females to make them seem
uncomfortable. Its watever. I mean. Its saddening, but I don't care.
People keep asking me on Formspring.me if im gay or wateva. I feel I
wanna answer, but I don't want the wrong ppl to see it. Is that bad? I
mean. Hell. Im telling the world now, but apparently no one is reading
this. Lol. Im PERFECTLY fine with that. But I feel if ppl wanted 2 look
back. Or if I wanted to look back at myself. Cuz lemme tell u. Lol

So I been going thru some ish with my friends. So imma just copy and
paste the text I sent to my friend Tenzia bout the situation. Hold.
......................................................................
mmmmmk. Here we go. Lol. - Fwd: Yes. Like. An u know. Lawrence told
chanel. Which was only right. But I didn't hear it from chanel. An the
FACT THAT I WAS IN HER SUITE THE WHOLE TIME!! She aint say shyt to me.
At all....... im upset. An that whole thing I told u that happened
yesterday wit dude. Son. Im ready to blow.......... I don't know if this
is really a clear explanation of wat happened, but pretty much. He
thought I was trying to get in his drawers. HA!!!! Na. We good. Sooooo
yeah. Im certainly over it. After a week, I told Chanel, talked 2
Lawrence. Im over it. So we good.

Now, My head hurts..... as I await this experience of a gospel
concert..... frekkin joy. Until next time.... mucho luvo Mi amor. Lol
--serene09 Ajay

He got his ass WHOOPED!!!

So, the title explains it all. Of course, on my many missions and times of actuallly trying to do homework, i stubled upon this gem of a video. Please, I beg you to watch, but like, wow. I laughed, and was like. Did that really just happen? and did he really jus ask for an ambulance. lol. Dam... oh well.  thats wat he gets. Age dont mean shyt.

Every day in this hood, feels like a Vietnam war. Surprises, bad an good. And never knowin when its your turn, but its a fight to stay alive

New Semester

So, sorry for the delay in updates, not that anyone is really an truly
reading this. Lol. But! Its a new semester. New bweginnig. However u
spell it. Its been about 3 weeks. An that piercing I told u about. The
right ear got infected, so I had to pull that one out. Even tho, the
left ear did the same. Im just happy BOTH ears didn't get infected. Wat
a tragedy that would've been. Legit tho. I would've been pissed........

NONETHELESS! So far. My semester is goin by decent. I have an hour break
in between every class MWF. A night class Monday, 650-940. Three hours.
Yes. I know. But im glad im gettin it over with. Lol. An T/TH I have one
class from 440-6 so not too bad. I love my schedule an Im not
complaining. And, because its spring semester, when it starts to get
warm out, I would be done early enuf. But some ppl were stupid. They got
mad night classes, forgetting that jus cuz its cold now, don mean its
not gonna get warm. Lol. SO! Im goood.

Im on a mission this semester. Im tryina get a 4.0 to get a 3.0 for the
year. As backwards as that sounds. I need it. Im tryina keep my
scholarship, join a frat. An allllll that lovely goodness.. I fuckd up
bad last semester.b lol. But not this one. I see so far that im prob at
a 3.0 so far. Welll. From my efforts seen/shown thus far! Im gonna get
better. An I also am trying to get fit. Its gonna be a while. But I am.
Lol. Things happen. I will be on my ish next weeek. FUCK! Da bullshit.
Like. For reals. Lol. Btw. How u dowin?
--serene09

Have u ever.....

Felt disrespected, an forgotten all in one week? like. Not only did my
sister throw me to the curb like I was nothing to her life anymore. Like
I was only there to help her transition to NYC. Thas it. Nothibn more.
Then. My friends boyfriend thinks I want to fuck him. HA! He wishes.
Then. Like. Idk. Fuck them.... imma make this a goooood ass ending to
this fucked up weeek. Im in SoHo/Tribeca roaming the streets. Bout to go
chillin. An maybe spend some money. Its rough. An I shouldn't spend any
money. But idk. I shouldn't tho. Lol. An as I right this. I get lost.
But I found a new era hat store..... dead ass. Lol. Im toooo happy. Lol
my money is def bout to be spent. Fuck bein disrespected. Imma do me.
Fuck ppl. Fuck bitches. Get money. Happy Valentines Day btw! Lol
--serene09 Ajay