It always gets worse before it gets better....

Yet, I def don't see the silver lining yet. I still been looking at
others, and their friends. I still wish for that. I have started to find
some people to hang with. But I mean. It is wat it is. Lol. I call my
choir my other family, altho there is still much work to be done. I love
them greatly. If I still go to St johns next year, I pray it all to be
better. And as I sit here, at our event, on our Staten Island campus,
before it starts of course. ZListening to Lauryn Hill's To Zion. It def
is a song to help me realize a lot. I don't know wat the song is about,
but I wanna cry when I hear this song.......

I will live. But I still aspire for a friendship with males where I
don't have to hide myself, or with females to make them seem
uncomfortable. Its watever. I mean. Its saddening, but I don't care.
People keep asking me on Formspring.me if im gay or wateva. I feel I
wanna answer, but I don't want the wrong ppl to see it. Is that bad? I
mean. Hell. Im telling the world now, but apparently no one is reading
this. Lol. Im PERFECTLY fine with that. But I feel if ppl wanted 2 look
back. Or if I wanted to look back at myself. Cuz lemme tell u. Lol

So I been going thru some ish with my friends. So imma just copy and
paste the text I sent to my friend Tenzia bout the situation. Hold.
......................................................................
mmmmmk. Here we go. Lol. - Fwd: Yes. Like. An u know. Lawrence told
chanel. Which was only right. But I didn't hear it from chanel. An the
FACT THAT I WAS IN HER SUITE THE WHOLE TIME!! She aint say shyt to me.
At all....... im upset. An that whole thing I told u that happened
yesterday wit dude. Son. Im ready to blow.......... I don't know if this
is really a clear explanation of wat happened, but pretty much. He
thought I was trying to get in his drawers. HA!!!! Na. We good. Sooooo
yeah. Im certainly over it. After a week, I told Chanel, talked 2
Lawrence. Im over it. So we good.

Now, My head hurts..... as I await this experience of a gospel
concert..... frekkin joy. Until next time.... mucho luvo Mi amor. Lol
--serene09 Ajay