The end of my first day of classes, well. not as planned...

somebody tweeted something bout me, i told me friend about it, and after that, the convo was dead. like she didnt respond, so idk how to ffeel about it. mostly cuz it was about something very important.... so i feel like, i trusted someone way to early in our friendship, an it makes me look thristy, and a user. like im only fuckin with them to get what i want, when in fact its not even like that. an itss kinda like, wow, thas fucked up, cuz im not that kinda person. i actually legit like them, and they fun, but idk.i feel i shouldnt have said anything at all, to even begin with for it not even be tweeted, but to trust someone i jus met, an try to talk to them about it. its not even like that. argh.... so now. im jus left in limbo, and hoping that she jus fell asleep, and that we can talk about it later, GRANTED, it seemed stalkerish, but when u know ppl, u jus hear stufff, not even in a bad way. I jus know u graduated, thas all i know, and u had a twitter i requested and THOUGHT i was following. Little known fact... I DONT STALK......never. Its not in my nature, nor do i like it done to me... ugh... so, this should be an interesting friday.... another lesson learned... Trust and Honesty

School's over....

Yes. I know. Its depressin. My first year of college is over. And what
and end it was. Imma jus say, that the friday I actually left NYC, I was
in a threesome. But don't judge me. Lol. It jus happened. After my last
post, I think it was spring break. Man oooooo man. My life changed. Fast
as hell. I started doin more things, finding out where I wanted to go an
wat. However, it wasnt fun. Learning about yurself when u only got a
month left of school. Finals an everything. And then. When u come home
for a week, u get REALLLLY irritated by lil kids. Especially those still
in high schoool. They look so damn rachet and rough. And they speak so
damn ignorant. Its not even funny. Idk what's goin on with our youth
today. Its not goood. At ALLLLLLLL we need to teach them. But its
whatever tho. I wanna beat them but can't. But this post not bout that.
Its about me ending school. I did good for the second semester. If I
didn't fuck up my first semester, then id be good. BUT! No. I did. So I
gotta deal with it. Im bout to be one semester away from bein where I
wanna be in life. Im not complaining. Either way, I learned a lot bout
myself in college. Its been fun. I can't wait to go back
--serene09

Lust, crave, desire....

All those words I said above. Is how I feel right now. Right from the
person I've had sex with before, to my future an life long commitment I
want. I don't know how I feel anymore....

Im over my friends house, an I want it. But I know I can't. Least not
anymore.  AND! On top of that, I am talkin (least
in my mind) to this girl. She mad coool. I really really like her, an I
have yet to meet her. She in Chicago right now, while im still in New
York. But nonetheless, im not bout to try an fuck or nothing. Maybe a
kiss, thas bout it.

An as for school, there is soooo much. I desire a boo on campus. But
imma work on that for next year. Fxck it. Idk what else to say. I wanna
make a life long commitment. But I know I can't right now. Least not
yet. Its mad work involved too. An that part I don't mind. Its jus every
other detail involved. Ugh. And I want that 3.0 at least. But its
alright. Imma ugh. We will get thru this. Smh. Lol
Yeah. Idk wat else to talk bout cuz well. I can't talk bout nothing
specific. I do have mad shyt going on. But idk. I jus felt the need to
email that. Lol.

There's a first time for everything

Sooooo yeah. I always heard those stories of other having their college
experiences. I jus had mine. Spectacular. I wannna tell u. But my throat
would get slit. SOOOOO yeah. And she said that we would get closer to
each other. Im soooo frekkin excited I wanna tell the world. But I took
a vow. An I don wanna die. Omg. That was some of the hottest sex ever.
Spectacular. Until next time my dears....
--serene09 Ajay

I don't know how to feel

I want to be like whatever, lets fuck, even if u not interested; or
pissed cuz my friend was drunk. A messy drunk too. Under the influence
of Alcohol...... an if u gonna pregame, do it in Moderation.....

So my friend Bryan was drunk. We were supposed to meet at Ruby Tuesday,
an meet his potential from London, and our mutual friend Al. It was
supposed to be a civilized night. Fun night. To gab an catch up on life.
No. Bryan shows up late, drunk, an calls sayin he stuck inside the
bathroom at McDonalds. If that don say enuf. Idk. This is all jus to
much to interpret. Overall. This man jus messed up. An he was outta this
world sexy. Id certainly try an hit. I wantd to. But. Al stole the show.
An thas DEF fine with me. Lol. Im happy for him. I mean. Nothing may
happen btween them. But hell. Lol. Mmmmm he was fucking scrumptious.
Lemme tell u. I wanna put up a pic. Hell. I will. And I doubt ppl will
see this blog/post. Lol. He from London/Nigeria/lagos. Ok. Im done. Here
he is..... he is the one on the left. Bryan is on the Right. Drunk
mouths speak a sober mind. Thas all I will say. He said an did things
unnecessairly. I love him tho. But dam.... but yeah. The sexy one on the
left. Mmmmhmmmm lol

Oh. An I spent $87 at Target. Highly upsetting. Granted, everything I
got I needed, but that doesn't mean I wantd to spend all my money there.
Wat bout my shoes an clothes I was supposed 2 get with that money. FUCK!
Oh well. But this is me on the way. I thought I bein fresh an wat. Thas
a lie. Lol. But I try. I need to update my shoes and clothes tho. Fuck.
I jus want a sugar mama to take care of me. Ill eat da pussy. Buy me
some gucci. Hell. Even some pucci.... I wana be fresh

God. I love being in New York.... imma miss it come May 12 though. Im
gonna wanna go an visit an everything quite often over the summer. Fuck
work. Lol. Well. Lemme work THEN! Come out here early. Lol. Al is a mess
love it. Lol. So is Bryan when he sober. Lol. All 3 of us are special. I
wish I was born and raised on the East Coast. Especially in New York. To
have grown up here in the 90's. Early 2000's. Idk. I jus love it here.
Granted. The water has def fucked up my skin. But I love it here. So
much I have experienced, and its only been wat, 6 months. Im sure it'll
get old to me, but there will always be more to explore, least ti me.
Ugh. Yeah. Lol. Im done. Smooches world. Mucho luvo mi amors.

No playing on my way home from the eventful night, lol, (Try Again-
Aaliyah)...... I miss her. Ok. Thas another rant for another time.
Duces.
--serene09 Ajay

It always gets worse before it gets better....

Yet, I def don't see the silver lining yet. I still been looking at
others, and their friends. I still wish for that. I have started to find
some people to hang with. But I mean. It is wat it is. Lol. I call my
choir my other family, altho there is still much work to be done. I love
them greatly. If I still go to St johns next year, I pray it all to be
better. And as I sit here, at our event, on our Staten Island campus,
before it starts of course. ZListening to Lauryn Hill's To Zion. It def
is a song to help me realize a lot. I don't know wat the song is about,
but I wanna cry when I hear this song.......

I will live. But I still aspire for a friendship with males where I
don't have to hide myself, or with females to make them seem
uncomfortable. Its watever. I mean. Its saddening, but I don't care.
People keep asking me on Formspring.me if im gay or wateva. I feel I
wanna answer, but I don't want the wrong ppl to see it. Is that bad? I
mean. Hell. Im telling the world now, but apparently no one is reading
this. Lol. Im PERFECTLY fine with that. But I feel if ppl wanted 2 look
back. Or if I wanted to look back at myself. Cuz lemme tell u. Lol

So I been going thru some ish with my friends. So imma just copy and
paste the text I sent to my friend Tenzia bout the situation. Hold.
......................................................................
mmmmmk. Here we go. Lol. - Fwd: Yes. Like. An u know. Lawrence told
chanel. Which was only right. But I didn't hear it from chanel. An the
FACT THAT I WAS IN HER SUITE THE WHOLE TIME!! She aint say shyt to me.
At all....... im upset. An that whole thing I told u that happened
yesterday wit dude. Son. Im ready to blow.......... I don't know if this
is really a clear explanation of wat happened, but pretty much. He
thought I was trying to get in his drawers. HA!!!! Na. We good. Sooooo
yeah. Im certainly over it. After a week, I told Chanel, talked 2
Lawrence. Im over it. So we good.

Now, My head hurts..... as I await this experience of a gospel
concert..... frekkin joy. Until next time.... mucho luvo Mi amor. Lol
--serene09 Ajay

He got his ass WHOOPED!!!

So, the title explains it all. Of course, on my many missions and times of actuallly trying to do homework, i stubled upon this gem of a video. Please, I beg you to watch, but like, wow. I laughed, and was like. Did that really just happen? and did he really jus ask for an ambulance. lol. Dam... oh well.  thats wat he gets. Age dont mean shyt.

Every day in this hood, feels like a Vietnam war. Surprises, bad an good. And never knowin when its your turn, but its a fight to stay alive

New Semester

So, sorry for the delay in updates, not that anyone is really an truly
reading this. Lol. But! Its a new semester. New bweginnig. However u
spell it. Its been about 3 weeks. An that piercing I told u about. The
right ear got infected, so I had to pull that one out. Even tho, the
left ear did the same. Im just happy BOTH ears didn't get infected. Wat
a tragedy that would've been. Legit tho. I would've been pissed........

NONETHELESS! So far. My semester is goin by decent. I have an hour break
in between every class MWF. A night class Monday, 650-940. Three hours.
Yes. I know. But im glad im gettin it over with. Lol. An T/TH I have one
class from 440-6 so not too bad. I love my schedule an Im not
complaining. And, because its spring semester, when it starts to get
warm out, I would be done early enuf. But some ppl were stupid. They got
mad night classes, forgetting that jus cuz its cold now, don mean its
not gonna get warm. Lol. SO! Im goood.

Im on a mission this semester. Im tryina get a 4.0 to get a 3.0 for the
year. As backwards as that sounds. I need it. Im tryina keep my
scholarship, join a frat. An allllll that lovely goodness.. I fuckd up
bad last semester.b lol. But not this one. I see so far that im prob at
a 3.0 so far. Welll. From my efforts seen/shown thus far! Im gonna get
better. An I also am trying to get fit. Its gonna be a while. But I am.
Lol. Things happen. I will be on my ish next weeek. FUCK! Da bullshit.
Like. For reals. Lol. Btw. How u dowin?
--serene09

Have u ever.....

Felt disrespected, an forgotten all in one week? like. Not only did my
sister throw me to the curb like I was nothing to her life anymore. Like
I was only there to help her transition to NYC. Thas it. Nothibn more.
Then. My friends boyfriend thinks I want to fuck him. HA! He wishes.
Then. Like. Idk. Fuck them.... imma make this a goooood ass ending to
this fucked up weeek. Im in SoHo/Tribeca roaming the streets. Bout to go
chillin. An maybe spend some money. Its rough. An I shouldn't spend any
money. But idk. I shouldn't tho. Lol. An as I right this. I get lost.
But I found a new era hat store..... dead ass. Lol. Im toooo happy. Lol
my money is def bout to be spent. Fuck bein disrespected. Imma do me.
Fuck ppl. Fuck bitches. Get money. Happy Valentines Day btw! Lol
--serene09 Ajay

The day Before I leave

well, its actualy in a few hours. its about 6am now, soooo in about ,8 hours, my flight will be taking off. I had an interesting break to say the least. I just got done packing, and I am just praying my bags dont weigh anymore than 50lbs... cuz wouldnt that be a pickle. like. for reals. lol. Im going to miss my home Chicago. But there are a few ppl here that need to forget bout me, cuz it was starting to get a big sticky around here. But we wont go there.... lol. Im sooo ready to be going back to NY. Ready to go see my boo. chill on campus. but soon as i get there. i practically have to go to sleep. 8am class.... sucks. but gotta do wat i gotta do. ya Digg? lol. But either ways. again. Imma miss my city, my room, my bed, Until i come back in May. Which seems really far, but its really not. 4 months of hell an school PLUS its gonna get warmer, so ill be out more too. This semester, im playing no games. Imma be more blunt bout stuff, and ppl will jus have to deal. Cuz im soooo tired of phony ppl, an ppl being phony to me. Im gonna tell ppl how i really feel about them, an hoepfully get the respnse that will best suit us. Ugh, rants, I know. Btw.. my ears are still sore. I hope this is normal. I mean. I clena like im supposed to, i turn ir, but they still feel sore. My friend saiud its cuz it is still a wound. i mean. it has been at LEAST almost 36 hours since i got it. but its yeah, not gonna heal soon enough.. sucks ASS... but its cool Im off to bed cuz i gotta wake up early, like. in an hour or so here. Just so i know i will be on time for my flight. Ugh, the things i do... lol. Much love.

-Ajay.

Chipotle

Im at chipotle on my last sunday. Kickin it tho. Lol. Wit my friends
Jamila, Kristen, Thomas, an Kevin. WE had fun enuf tho. I got my ears
peirced. I wanna hide it from my mom only cuz she think I have keloids.
Idk if I have it or not. But ill take my chances. If I see something,
then im taking it out for it to close and heal. My ears are soooo sore.
Lol but its cool. No worries for now. Im spending my last sunday in
Chicago. Im kinda excited and nervous tho. School is almost here. My
first year is almost over. Random thought. Hagve u ever felt excluded,
like u wish u knew wat was goin on, an u left out tho. I hate when that
happens...
--serene09

Untitled

Here is a poem I wrote in Choir rehearsal. I was mad bored, and reading something for a paper i didnt do... toooooo bad I got a B- outta that class too... lol. ah wells. here's my poem.


Dark Dreaming
Darkly Abnormal
My mond isnt right
My Heart is hurting
Its dark outside
its cold outside
Its dark behind my eyes
Its dark behind my eyelids
Its so uncomfortable
Im not used to this darkness
My mind is only in the dark
All these images of sufferiing
................
and non-being.
I try to heal an go to light
Jus to open my eyes to something more
But its just not working the way it should.
Im scared, but i do see a light
but no one is helping me towards it
So I sit in my darkness
Alone,
and practically nothing...,,

I MADE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!!!!

So. I made Ice Cream sandwiches with my besty Wed. Night. Homemade tooo.
Shyt was bomb. See!! Lol. Omg. Lol. The memories. We caught up. An imma
miss that heffa hoe. Won't see her again till May ='( oh well. Thas wat
college is for tho. Mhmmm lol

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

oh. ok. so im mad late. like. 17days actually.  but hell. betta late than never. HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! ITS 2010!!! i brought it in the right way. Did you?

Youth->Adulthood... wats really good

Sooo.. im watching Adult swim. A boring saturday night i know, but i mean. Yeah. lol. So im Watching adult swim, and realized that there are some shows that cant be replaced. there used to be this show called Big O. It seems really nasty, but its really not. It was an Anime Show, that actually had a message. I grew up on it, an it was very grown ppl oriented. And then there is this show called Cowboy Bebop. Good shyt too tho. These shows were meant to be watched and enjoyed, now shows are being catered to a more mature audience, and these people are only 14+. When i was 12, adult swim was for 18+. So my whole thing is, what is happening to the world today?? Are we really training our kids to be adults early on in life? I mean, think about it tho. Wat madness... but i can enjoy my shows alll the same. lol I miss my youth. Ooooo the days